Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
