He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
