i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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