I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
