hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
