I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
