his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
