Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
