I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
