I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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