come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
