apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
