I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
