how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk is not a location!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
