Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
