I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
