dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
