It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
