Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so let's talk penis.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
