I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Umm I'm too high to move.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
