So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
