Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
