Your face is a jimmy john
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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