When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
