I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
