you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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