You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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