I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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