We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
