Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
