woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
