I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
