So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
