when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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