I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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