Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
