I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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