It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
