Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
