Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
