I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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