If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
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im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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