Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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