yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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