i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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