my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
