cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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