At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
