He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
