i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
