i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
