What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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