I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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