I think i peed on brittanys purse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
