i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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