I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a hot homeless man
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
