the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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