I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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