Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
