I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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