my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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