I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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