she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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