Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
