Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
