conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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