just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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