Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
