Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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