Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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