You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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