Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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