seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
