I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
