Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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