So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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